i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
