PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
