Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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