I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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