we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
