I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
