hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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