I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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