I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
