My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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