Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
