I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
