just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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