she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
