Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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