you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
