Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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