Pappa wants mamma naked
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
