my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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