Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize