it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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