My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
