Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
