You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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