Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
