Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
