If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
