So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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