I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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