Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
