just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
