I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
either way he was missing a nipple.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
