If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
