dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
