I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize
