Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
