You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
