My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
