you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
