there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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