Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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