Christians are straight up FREAKS
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
