Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
