i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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