Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
