At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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