i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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