you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
