You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
