Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
