I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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