You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
