I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
