I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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