Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Panties = found
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
