Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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