Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
