I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
