Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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