so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't turn off my feet"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
