The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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