Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
