He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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