My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's paper in my vomit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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