My sheets look like a crime scene.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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