the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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