I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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