Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
