come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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