five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
