Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
