everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
