On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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