What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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